Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
