I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
