Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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