we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
