Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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