I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
