I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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