I want to have your abortion
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
