sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
