Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So vagazzling was a success
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
