Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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