I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
