I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
