i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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