My hair reeks of homosexuality.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
