I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Can I color on your dick again?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
