see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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