Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
