I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
smell my finger.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
