but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
