I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
