I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
