So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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