I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
