im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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