I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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