That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
