Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
