omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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