i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
