a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
