hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
