Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
