you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
