I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just googled if crying burns calories
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
