I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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