you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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