did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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