She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
