we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
