I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
