Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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