i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
