So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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