first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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