having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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