I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you traded sex for a burrito?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
