Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
