she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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