i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
What a dumb baby whore.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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